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It was a different world there: Size wasn’t so much of an issue, though there was a hierarchy, with the skinnier girls at the top.
I had a few boyfriends every summer, and when I got really thin, I suddenly had a boyfriend back at school, too. After that it was back to the old way, and I didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. I was always overweight, but when I got to Vassar I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome.
And I’ve been contacted by men on BBW sites who ask me if I’m open to a feeding relationship, which I’m not.
It makes such an obvious statement—that no one would ever find me attractive because of my weight.
*** I was on a date recently and a woman sat down at the next table, catty-corner to me. But what’s most visible about me, what defines me before I even open my mouth, is my size.
I was embarrassed and annoyed, already contemplating how I was going to get out at the end. I’ve dieted my whole life and can’t remember a time when I wasn’t concerned about my weight.
I guess it’s hard to say to somebody, “I have a great girl for you, but she’s fat—are you okay with that? People are image-conscious, and it takes a very secure man to advertise his preference for a woman of size.
No matter how many magazines start featuring plus-size women, in mainstream white culture, a woman who’s heavy isn’t considered as attractive as a woman who’s not.